Friday, September 7, 2012
31 weeks out to sea
i'm about to enter into my 32nd week of pregnancy and we are as busy as ever trying to get the house (and our lives) in a good spot before baby arrives. she is growing at breakneck speed and i'm having a hard time keeping up with transformation. i'm crying over all things big and small and feeling extra awake to life since hearing of this tragedy in the california wedding photography community.
i've felt my heart physically and emotionally expand and contract several times this week and i truly feel like the love in a family is vast and knows no bounds. a piece of my mama heart is with this family forever, reminding me that we are all so vulnerable on our own, but with the love of each other and whatever it is we believe in, we can do anything. it also reminds me that so many of our daily concerns are just so trivial. how to bring ourselves back to what matters when there is so much competing for the most precious moments of our lives? i've been meditating on this often this week.
every second i've had with elodie since has felt like a dream come true. she has been so sweet, kissing me on the belly, singing "in the tiki room" and "a-b-c's" to her baby sister, talking to her often, and telling me about all of the things she plans on sharing. i am trying not to emphasize "big" sister too much, instead talking about how much i love my own sisters, stories from when i was small, lying in bed all night talking to them, sleeping in the backyard, roller skating.
and to my baby, it is a little under two months until we meet. i wonder about you every day, floating in a peaceful world, in a perfect ocean. it's amazing to feel you kick when you hear your sister or your papa talk to you. you are so active at night which is a little tiring but i'll take it. i know as soon as you are with us i will miss these little flutters inside my body. it's a confusing thing, wanting you to be right where you are but also counting the moments until you come through to join our little family. i know you have so much to share and to teach us. new lessons that we cannot even imagine. mama loves you little one!