it's a...

about six weeks ago our doctor slipped us a taped up business card that would reveal the sex of our baby to us. we held onto it for about ten days before we decided it was time to see what the newest member of family would be. michael finally opened it up around midnight under a starry sky in the middle of the iowa prairie. we had just celebrated a day of love with some very close friends of ours and couldn't think of a more memorable time to do it. at that moment we discovered we were having a...

fast forward to this past monday. we went in for our twenty week structural ultrasound and the doctor pointed to a little dot on the screen.

doctor: "ahh...do you see that?" 

me: "yeah. ummm, it looks like a grey dot. it's a boy!"

doctor: "haha. no. those are labia."

the rest of the appointment sounded a bit like charlie brown's teacher, all muffled talking, all we could think about was the fact that our boy had turned into a girl!! we had spent the past six weeks picking names, clearing all thoughts of having a girl out of our head, and consoling elodie who just kept saying, "i want a baby sister." when all of a sudden, that was a reality. 

four days into this new discovery, we are very excited and have shifted back into planning for another sweet little lady. and if it ends up being a boy for some odd reason, i'll thank my lucky stars. all that matters is that she/he is healthy!! 

midsummer bump. twenty weeks.

jenn graciously took some pictures of me as i'm definitely on auto-pilot this pregnancy and would be sad not to have some photos of my little bump. seeing my body transform and knowing that i am growing another little one is pretty amazing. i am so glad the in-between time is over and that my belly is growing more round (strangers are so much nicer when you are showing!) the baby brain has descended (so if i owe you an email, that's why) and i am tripping over everything. other than that, no complaints. it's such a gift to be able to experience this transformation from one to two, i say there is no reason not to love every big and small moment of it!


and tomorrow we'll tell everyone the sex (still trying to reach the family!) there is a pretty great story behind our finding out...

20 week you
to my little one, your flutters have officially turned to kicks and you are making yourself more and more known by the day. i think you must be trying to grow at lightning speed because i am starving all the time! your big sister loves to talk to you and tell me how she is going to take care of you. thinking about how you are a whole new being that i am going to get to fall in love with in a mere number of weeks makes me dizzy with excitement. for now, keep up the good work growing. and listen for the occasional serenade from your silly family.


love, mama

on the prairie

words fail to describe that day. all i can say is that louise caught me crying tears of happiness multiple times and i didn't care who saw. 

all photos by jenn emerling, head over to her blog for some more wonderful moments from that day. or get all the details on this amazing five year anniversary party over on 100 layer cake!

in transition

ever so often i find myself at a new intersection in life wondering which would be the best direction to turn. do i forge straight ahead? take a right? i've been banging on my internal compass for an answer but it simply isn't coming.

i've cleared my summer calendar of all travel so that i can be here to enjoy this last little bit of time before our lives change drastically. we are in escrow on a house. i am deciding on some new projects that may or may not change my schedule in a huge way. so much is up in the air right now. there is great beauty to be found in transition. so often i am rushing to the next answer and i'm trying to smile through uncomfortable, uncertain feelings and just wait. watch. and greet the new day with open arms.

and isn't it so interesting that the moments before you are about to give birth are called "in transition"? the sticky moments come before the enlightened ones.

a wise friend of mine said i should refer back to this. good thinking mama.

photo by whitney chamberlin (sixteen weeks)

that summer feeling

i can't think of a better way to kick off the first day of summer than to write about what the real beginning of summer was for me. our trip to iowa for memorial day! jenn just put photos up on her blog that really capture the spirit of this trip and i had to share some here. the highlights were an amazing anniversary party for our friends the lynches, planting a tree in a new friend's orchard, listening to the train rumble through the town all night long, judging a pie contest, looking for fireflies with elodie and swimming in a quarry.

three carfuls of friends grabbed swimsuits and sunscreen and headed out for a clandestine swim at an old quarry. the ride from fairfield through the iowa countryside is not one i will soon forget. the green fields of newly budding corn, picturesque farms, beat up old pickup trucks made me feel so happy to be part of this big country. and what followed? well, here is a peek...

the last few weeks have been intense and seeing these pictures makes me overjoyed. these summer moments are burned in my mind forever. i'll be sharing some from the lynches' party and the rest of our trip tomorrow!

all photos (except last two) by jenn emerling 

a weekend in june

it was a rare treat to have papa home all weekend. so much has been happening in our lives over the past few months. we are trying to buy a house here in los angeles, and it's been a bit brutal, getting attached to a certain home, and then having 73 people bidding on it. totally deflating to sign the papers, transfer the money, dream of the neighborhood, realize the compromises we will have to make to buy in an area we can afford, exhausting. this is in addition to all of the other things we take on (which is always a lot) and has really depleted us mentally.

so...saturday night we had the babysitter come and went on a proper date. we realized that even with all of the traveling we do that we haven't actually spent any down time together. so bad!

we went to cafe stella in sunset junction and sat in one of the booths near the bar. i had an amazing farro salad with radishes, feta, and mint that i will be recreating shortly and a lettuce soup with big crusty pieces of bread and salty butter. the simplest dinners are always my favorite. after, we took in a movie at the vista in hollywood. this is such a special theater and wes anderson's moonrise kingdom was exactly what we needed. fanciful and nostalgic with impeccable set designs.

and then sunday we had a mexican brunch with the lynches (and our friend zach) at malo. my favorite was a bag of seasonal fruit topped with lime and a little bit of chile -- just like you can get from the street carts around the city. it was so hot that we grabbed a mint ice tea and canelé from casbah and headed out to look at more houses. after a couple of depressing hours seeing absolutely nothing we liked (and then a lot that we did that were about 400 k over our budget) we grabbed ice cream to go from carmela in pasadena and had a little date in the park near the house we are putting an offer on this week. so, it's guaranteed to be another roller coaster week and i'd like to say it's all terribly exciting but i secretly want this part to be done!

and i had no sooner posted about wanting to get an apron dress for elodie over at babyccino kids, then what should show up but the cutest apron dress from lindsay at darling clementine. i am in love with the go gently baby label! thank you lindsay!

happy father's day 2012!

these two sure do love to dance together. happy father's day to all the fathers out there. especially my amazing husband!

que rico!

living in southern california it's a must to always have a popsicle, agua fresca, or licuado on hand. i have been eating a lot of melon during this pregnancy and can't wait to try these popsicles. i wish this beautiful food blog was in english too. i'm having to slog through a bit to translate the recipes! i'm definitely ordering the book they recommend, paletas. it looks fantastic! 

three and a half

i remember thinking three and a half was soooo old. holding my 8 month old baby, giving a dirty look to the parents of the child with the messy hair and snotty nose. my baby was perfect and new. she was still unblemished. no scratches, no bruises, perfect skin intact. still, i could tell those parents loved that child, no longer a baby, growing taller and leaner, losing dimples in fingers and elbows. and now we are here.

i never knew here could be so wonderful. reading books with you in the dark, having dance parties where you say "follow me mama. do this!," patting out dough and how proud you are when you really did do it yourself. i want to soak up every second of my only child. cement my love for you in this time so you will have it to carry always. it is a strange feeling knowing that you are becoming scared of the dark, wondering who is your best friend, realizing that some people will go and some people will stay. my next move is to say that seven (half your life from now) is forever away, but i know it will come. and when it does, i want to know that i didn't miss a second in between.

here you are at 2 and a half...

at 18 months...

and at 6 months (your first trip to new york city!)

the gift of protection

our sweet friends, jackie and andy, just came back from a trip to santa fe, new mexico and brought our little baby his/her first gift. i teared up as jackie told me the story about the shop it was from and the significance of our new little bear friend.

a fetish, or animal carving, is a talisman carved from stone, shell, antler, and bone, and is believed to hold the specific qualities of the animal being carved.

a bear with a turquoise gift (this one is carved from root beer onyx and has a gift bundle of shell, coral and turquoise) is a traditional baby gift, as the bear is a wonderful mother and turquoise is sacred and protective because it comes from mother earth but has father sky's color. bear fetishes traditionally are used for healing, protection, strength, journeying, mothering, hunting and gathering. so perfect (and much needed) for this stage of in my life.

mine was carved by a member of the zuni pueblo in santa fe and is from the shop keshi. thank you so much for the thoughtful gift jackie. i hope i get to santa fe sooner than later. it's on my list of must-visits!

papa/baby moments

i'm finally going through bali photos right now and am extra in love with this one. so happy to be spending the entire weekend with these two. for those of you who know michael's travel schedule, it is a rare treat to have him all to ourselves on the weekend! i hope your's is wonderful too...

when the morning gathers the rainbow...

tonight i had a challenging night putting you down to sleep. you asked for a million things. more water, more animals, another hug. you wanted to sing me one more song. wanted me to sing you one more song. and then it just clicked. this time is finite. there will only be so many songs that i sing you. how can i begrudge you even one? lately you've asked me what "alone" means, it's not a concept i want to explain to you because i never want you to feel it. tonight i felt like something was keeping you from sleep and asked you. i wondered if you couldn't tell me because you were afraid of speaking up against the night shadows, i remember that feeling so clearly when i was little. then you said, "___ upset me today." i heard you mention this before today but must not have really heard you. your emerging awareness creates new situations that are bewildering but we are always here to help guide you through them. good night my sweet girl. sleep knowing that you are so loved.

getting hitched? how about this august...

i'm going to be a proud wifey for a moment and talk about a really amazing contest my husband is hosting. his company, yeah! weddings, is throwing a free wedding for a lucky couple in the southern california area on august 19th of this year! it includes event design by bash please, photography by heavy hitters our labor of love and max wanger, music by the flashdance, videography by shark pig, rentals by yeah! rentals (his other company), accessories by ban.do and much, much more. i really wish we could be the lucky couple and have a vow renewal. maybe i'll just have to plan an anniversary party next year instead! only 3 days left to enter...

all the world

leaving iowa, all i could think about was the children's book, "all the world" by liz garton scanlon.

"nanas, papas, cousins, kin

piano, harp, and violin

babies passed from neck to knee

all the world is you and me

everything you hear, smell, see

all the world is everything

everything is you and me

hope and peace and love and trust

all the world is all of us."

this is a book that we've had since elodie was very little and i literally choke up every single time i read it. the feeling of growth, strength in community, being outdoors, exploring, celebrating the seasons is so perfectly captured in the book. our time in iowa somehow felt like a beautiful illustration from it. 

fairfield pictures coming next week!