Thursday, May 16, 2013

tomorrow is a long time


it's funny when the way you view your world suddenly shifts and things stand in stark contrast to the way they were before.

my mother was just recently diagnosed with parkinson's disease.

my father is about to retire.

my grandmother just had surgery for colon cancer two days ago. 

all of this information has made me melancholy but i am hopeful and trying to find light in the face of these new realities. this is truly the next chapter. one that came too soon. i don't dwell too often on getting older, i'm still excited for all there is to learn and do, but it has made me think quite often of my moments, and most importantly, the last moments. several times a day i find myself trying to remember the last time something occurred and get quite frustrated that my memory fails me. i'm trying to think that if maybe i think of each time i do something as being the last that perhaps i can savor it more. 

when was the last time my father put me on his shoulders? did he know it would be the last time?

when was the last time i slept in the same bed with my big sister - talking late into the night and laughing at the silliest things ?

what was the last bedtime story my mother read me? 

when was the last time i took grandma to bingo? will i get the chance again?

when was the last time i breastfed elodie? i don't remember and that makes me sad.

when was the last time i caught a night train? took a midnight swim in the ocean? slept outside in a hammock? will i ever do those things again? 

i can count on my hands the number of times i will do any given thing again. push my daughters on the swing. read them bedtime stories. sing them songs. hug my mother. visit my grandmother. go to hawaii with my dad. maybe once, maybe twice, maybe fifty times...all i know is the number is finite. i need to start acting like it. 

also, this song is wonderful...

10 comments:

  1. so so what's been on my heart lately. heart-wrenching...yet the kick in the pants we all need to get living! thank you for the reminder...beautifully said. xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. You made me cry, Elizabeth. I wish you strength during this challenging time. Life is full of shifts and readjustments and I feel that the moment we realise that, is the moment we become adults. Thank you for the reminder that things change, as do we, and that time waits for nobody. x

    ReplyDelete
  3. hi elizabeth, thank you for a beautiful post.. but then again you have the gift to that more often ;)

    i share the feeling you have for our loved ones getting older and how to live/react/feel with that. sometimes my mind lets it go easily but sometimes it doesn't.

    then yesterday i read this quote on instagram, i think it is wonderful and like to share it with you:

    all i'm hoping
    praying
    and trying to do,
    is live my life
    in a way
    where i never
    have to look back
    to find the best
    of times.

    of course one can interpret this in many ways, but i guess you'll understand which one i rely to here.

    all the best xx
    linda

    ReplyDelete
  4. beautiful post. thanks for reminding me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Beautiful thoughts. I am sorry for the struggles you're facing in the near future. Sending good thoughts your way! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Such a beautiful post. Yes, I think of these things too. I'm sorry to hear about your the difficulties facing your family right now. All the best to you and yours. xo

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sounds like a tough week. and a good reminder for me that each moment is precious.
    Jana @ 333 Days of Hand Lettering

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow - you just yanked my heart. What a beautiful and eloquent post. We are waiting the arrival of our third baby. Days are hard with our two littles, we've been in survival mode. What a reminder to slow down and enjoy these moments..

    ReplyDelete
  9. Alejandra RamírezMay 25, 2013 at 11:29 PM

    Present should be our only concern. That's the fastest way to be happy and enjoy what you already have. I'm always thinking about dead, my husband thinks is not a good thing but I actually think that Its a good way to enjoy life...we don't know for sure when its going to end so I will enjoy better little details, like my son's wide smile at morning, the smell of my husband...etc. I'm always saying things like: Give me a kiss, as if you know for sure that I'm gonna die tomorrow :D I know, Im a drama queen...By the way, I love love love your blog, you inspire me so much!!

    ReplyDelete