but the truth is, i am okay with you being one. such a natural progression from this
and i have held you, nursed you, sang to you, slept by you, walked miles with you over this last beautiful year. i've watched the leaves fall off the trees while you sat and gazed at the shadows on the walls, listening to our voices become clearer and start to signify mama, papa, and elodie. i've watched new blooms shoot up and the air fill with the wonderful perfume of spring as you sat up for the first time. i set you down at the edge of the ocean as you crawled hesitantly towards the lapping waves. we held on to your hands as you took those first baby steps, studying our faces to see if we saw and approved. we did see and our faces beamed with love for you. i see these moments as if i'm watching a time lapse of a perfect, unfolding flower.
that is how we have arrived at you being one.
i loved you through every moment and i don't long for those early days. i want you now. i want to watch you discover yourself and your ever expanding world. screeching at us, climbing on the couch, roaming from room to room pushing your doll pram.
every morning as i nurse you, you explore my face with your tiny fingers. your sounds and movements are etched in my being. at some point, you pop up and say "papa" and point at papa. shortly after, elodie bounds into the room and your face brightens in a way that i hope will stay with her forever. after your first nap, i pick you up, sleepy and warm. i bring you to the couch and you lay against me. counting my heart beats, one, two, three. each one weaving together a story of how you came to be. your love to us is a gift. you are pure light my baby girl. this time won't end. i will memorize it and carry it forward forever more.
before bed tonight we will say this rhyme together.
“when i have said my evening prayer,
and my clothes are folded on my chair,
mama and papa switch off the light,
i'll still be 11 months old tonight.
but from the very break of day,
before the children rise and play,
before the darkness turns to gold,
tomorrow i'll be one years old…
one kiss when i wake,
one candle on my cake.
a goodnight kiss for the eleven month old
to send her to sleep and to dreaming.
and blessings to the one year old
who'll be carried from bed in the morning.”
from the birthday book.
sweet dreams francesca. tomorrow you'll be one!