Tuesday, December 3, 2013

separating the wheat from the chaff































the past two weeks has been an opportunity to glimpse my life from 10,000 feet rather than the myopic mired in details day to day that is my norm. when you are in the center of a storm (or in a safe cocooned place for that matter), it's easy to become one with that energy, with no time to evaluate your decisions. but i firmly believe that every thing that moves us, the good and the bad, has the ability to carry us forward even though it might swallow us for a while.

i lost someone that was woven into the fabric of my life. we weren't great friends but he was a constant and i miss him in this world. i had a chance to go to new york to mourn him with a lot of old friends, long time acquaintances, and loved ones. i mourned his loss and also our mortality and the fragility of our endeavors, big and small. 

use your time well. 

it made me realize how many insignificant things i hold in high esteem in my daily life. these creature comforts or "little things that make me smile" are typically, but not always, material items. being in a time of deep introspection during the holidays is a tricky thing. i love the holidays, gift giving, merry making, having reverence for the bigger picture, christmas carols. all of it. i stepped away from the computer for these past two weeks and immersed myself in family. times like these aren't meant to negate what you did before but to acknowledge a course correction and to separate the wheat from the chaff. i've tuned out a bit but the noise of products feels insanely loud even in this self-imposed break. it is a constant, conscious choice to not let the non-essential crowd my moments. sure i would look great in that coat that was on sale during black friday but instead i will be cloaked in my uniform of jeans and a sweater. non-descript but hopefully radiating this internal shift. i caught the message but did not take the bait. i'd rather be well rested because i fell asleep reading a book rather than worrying about pinterest, stats, followers or what free items i may or may not negotiate. this doesn't mean i won't ever do those things but i will choose to do those things rather than make them the default. 

use your time well. 

i have a willing mind and heart that i can use to listen to my little ones, to hear them, to engage with them. i can make a connection with a friend or stranger. i am healthy. i have harmony at home. i am able to hold my husband's hand. i can call my loved ones on the phone. i have so much gratitude for all that i can do. i am thankful for this lesson even though it comes through grief. 

i'll use my time well.

10 comments:

  1. i needed to read this today. thanks for sharing your heart.

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  2. This is beautiful... and so unbelievably true. I loved every last word.

    www.bradleycowan.com

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  3. I have been hearing this in my mind recently. Maybe it is the holidays but I honestly do think it is the constant onslaught of "things" on the internet. I am making a conscious effort to focus more on what matters -- familly and friends. Loved this post!

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  4. Today, and many days, as the mother of a spirited toddler, I found myself exhausted - tuning out online, living through the filtered published lives of others, and rearranging my living room furniture for the thousandth time (if I can't control the chaos, I can at least control the furniture).

    You've reminded me to find gratitude and patience and peace in the every day. Thank you for this beautiful bit of encouragement. I'm off to unplugging and reconnect now. Wishing you and your loved ones peace and strength through this tough time.

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  5. you said beautifully what is being echoed in my own heart. have a wonderful holiday season surrounded in peace, love and light... and hopefully with a few mugs of spike egg nog ;)

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  6. I'm so sorry you lost someone in your life. A reminder of what should be cherished.
    Your post resonated with me today. My Aunt, who was often one of the most constant people in my life has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I've been pushing it out of my mind, trying to forget the things to come, but I needed the reminder to use my time wisely. Visit her, be with her, love her.
    Today I've also found myself easily frustrated, quick to raise my voice to my toddler son. Too loud, too annoying, too high energy. Quiet, the baby's sleeping, quiet, mommy has a headache. When he wakes from his nap, I will hold him close to me. I won't be mad again today, tomorrow perhaps, but today I will just enjoy and learn to let go of things I cannot control.
    Thank you for being as insightful as always. xo

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  7. Thank you for sharing this raw and tender time so generously. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I've been thinking about all that you wrote for a few days and came back to comment because I wanted you to know that it resonated with me. I'm glad you're honoring this shift you're experiencing and listening closely. There's so much to be learned from the people around us and it sounds like your friend is continuing to bless your lives.

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  8. love this, sweet girl - it's such a brave (hard) thing to let grief settle into your soul for a bit, but it always brings a lesson, yes? i feel so many of these thoughts, near daily. you're not alone.

    and gosh, i'm so sorry for your loss.

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  9. Thank you for sharing some much needed perspective during this (sometimes crazed) holiday season.

    What matters most are those simple things you so beautifully describe.

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