tomorrow is a long time

it's funny when the way you view your world suddenly shifts and things stand in stark contrast to the way they were before.

my mother was just recently diagnosed with parkinson's disease.

my father is about to retire.

my grandmother just had surgery for colon cancer two days ago. 

all of this information has made me melancholy but i am hopeful and trying to find light in the face of these new realities. this is truly the next chapter. one that came too soon. i don't dwell too often on getting older, i'm still excited for all there is to learn and do, but it has made me think quite often of my moments, and most importantly, the last moments. several times a day i find myself trying to remember the last time something occurred and get quite frustrated that my memory fails me. i'm trying to think that if maybe i think of each time i do something as being the last that perhaps i can savor it more. 

when was the last time my father put me on his shoulders? did he know it would be the last time?

when was the last time i slept in the same bed with my big sister - talking late into the night and laughing at the silliest things ?

what was the last bedtime story my mother read me? 

when was the last time i took grandma to bingo? will i get the chance again?

when was the last time i breastfed elodie? i don't remember and that makes me sad.

when was the last time i caught a night train? took a midnight swim in the ocean? slept outside in a hammock? will i ever do those things again? 

i can count on my hands the number of times i will do any given thing again. push my daughters on the swing. read them bedtime stories. sing them songs. hug my mother. visit my grandmother. go to hawaii with my dad. maybe once, maybe twice, maybe fifty times...all i know is the number is finite. i need to start acting like it. 

also, this song is wonderful...

jeana & oliver - the seventh month

jeana sohn is a los angeles based lifestyle photographer and the creator of closet visit (if you don't know you must have a look!) as if that isn't enough, she is also the mother of the beautiful oliver moon. i love her honest perspective on motherhood and her fantastic instagram feed. I relate so much to what she wrote in this post as francesca is mere days away from being seven months. it's nice to know i'm not alone! thanks for sharing jeana! 

I'm a first time mom so it's been uncharted waters for me. When oliver hit 6 months, I finally felt like I could breathe, because the dreaded 4 month mark sleep regression finally ended.  He hasn't started teething yet, so knock on wood there. Oliver turned 7 months a couple of weeks ago and there are a few things I've noticed at this age.

First, he's become very mobile. He started crawling and is curious about everything. The other day I fell asleep for about 5 minutes (oops!!!) and I woke to find him off the play mat and opening a basket full of a various small no-no items.  We need to get on that baby proofing soon!

 The next thing I noticed is he's getting better at communicating. (or should I say demanding? Ha!) When he feels tired from playing he reaches his arms out to me asking me to hold him.  When he sees food, he makes whining and grunting noises to let us know he REALLY wants it. It's much harder for us to go out to eat with him now. We used to go out to eat many times a week and he was super easy -- usually sleeping through the meal, waking up right before we would leave, not fussing at all. Now going to a restaurant is a battle. He sees us eating and grunts because he wants some too. He grabs everything in sight. So long eating out, oh well!

Finally, he's suddenly become scared of people he doesn't know. He used to be so friendly and would love to be around people (a real party animal), but now he frequently cries when people so much as look at him. It's a bummer and I hope it's just a short phase.

Overall, it's exciting to see him growing and learning fast and I'm so happy to be a mom.

emptying our minds out by the ocean

i recently took a trip up to the northwest to visit my mom and family. the weather was impeccable and it was such a treat to just travel with francesca. there is something so nice about a solitary road trip and time spent surrounded by water. i am heading back up this week and am dreaming of a repeat of fresh seafood, whale sightings, and lots of walks in the forest.

justina & ida - the sixth month

one of my favorite things about living in los angeles is having such a big community of creative women around me. i met justina blakeney a couple of years ago through mutual friends and was immediately drawn to her. she has an infectious energy and an amazing eye for design. she spent a long time living abroad before returning to los angeles and gave me some fantastic food recommendations to check out while i was in italy (this goes a long way in my book!) she is currently in copenhagen with her husband and sweet little ida. follow her adventures here.

At six months, Ida is really a person. She laughs and smiles at things other than her own poop and gas. She is so attentive and, at times, serious. She looks around at this crazy world, like 'woah!' there is so much to take in. We are giving her real food now and she makes the most amusing faces (talk about amuse-bouche) as her tongue touches a surprising variety of new fruits and veggies each day. Her favorite foods besides breast milk are avocado, pear and (wait for it...) pickles! Sometimes I cut fruit in half (like oranges) and put it in a cheesecloth. This occupies her for a long time as she sucks the juice out without the risk of choking. She just started to use the Thinkbaby Sippy cup and even though she's a little young for it, she loves it! I'm still breastfeeding and feeding her with teeth is a whole new ballgame. One that i can't say that I love (I've never been one for sports) – but she is learning and so I am – I make her show me her tongue before she latches on so I know she is going to suck, not gnaw. 

Her repetitive sounds don't seem to have meaning quite yet, but all of her bababas, mamamas, dadadas and gagagas still provide us with so much delight. She LOVES when I sing the song "If you're happy and you know it..." and mimics clapping so we play drum games where I clap with my hands and on my lap and she imitates me. She also loves to bang on our electric piano.

Some of Ida's favorite things right now are a rubix cube and a beaded wooden necklace that I wear and she chews on. It sounds silly but tags and pieces of string can occupy her for up to 15 minutes (which is a lot around here!)

meditation on the sixth month:

the newborn is gone and the fun is just beginning. baby might be able to sit in a high chair and is easily entertained by the smallest things...a tic-tac box, a ribbon, a wooden rattle. wave at them and they might wave right back. food is a new journey - don't be afraid to get messy!

mother

i've had some news this past few months that have made me realize even more than ever how lucky i am to have my mother. without getting even remotely religious, i believe that we choose the family we are born into. i know i chose to come to this sweet, humble woman. i get to see her this week and am counting the days!

what's in my clare vivier bag

it was love at first sight with clare vivier's le tropezienne which i carried constantly a couple of years ago. now my attention's moved to the overnighter. i recently emptied it out and shared the content's over on clare's studio blog. thanks so much for having me!

the fifth month - james & sailor

james really needs no introduction but here goes! she is a beautiful mother of four living in nashville and the creator of the lovely bleubird blog. i love her wonderful photos and perspective on motherhood. we have become friends over the past couple of years and also were pregnant at the same time. i remember getting the message from her that she was pregnant and being so excited for her and aubrey. sailor is exactly one month older than my daughter francesca and i love watching his milestones and how much joy he brings his family. thank you sweet james for sharing this beautiful snapshot of life with sailor at five months.

sailor rhodes is my fourth child. the time is speeding by this time more than i can recall with my other children. sailor could be my last, we haven't officially decided on that just yet, but i keep that in mind every day as i watch him grow. each of of my babies have been completely different and each one seems to have been a lot calmer and go-with-the-flow then the one before. i am not sure if this has to do with the child or if i have become more relaxed with age and less worried about each pregnancy, birth and stage ahead. i am soaking in every moment with baby sailor and taking advantage of this time with him for soon he will be crawling and then walking and then talking.

sailor is five months. he is at the stage where his curiosity is in full effect. he really looks at things, observes and watches us in our daily activities. he listens to the chaos, to the interactions and to the music that we have playing throughout our home each day. he is a content little boy. he rarely cries unless there is something to cry about. he whines a bit when he is tired and rubs his eyes to let me know he is ready to sleep. he burrows his head into my chest and then looks up at me with a smile when he is hungry and ready to nurse. he is not fond of poopy diapers and will usually get pretty fussy when he needs a change. speaking of poop, this one blows out his diapers like no other. i cannot tell you how many of his and my clothes that i have to soak in a sink of oxyclean each day.

he is my only baby that has enjoyed tummy time. he rolls over front to back and back to front and can sit up for short periods of time with a bit of assistance. he recently started to push and pull himself a few feet across the bed or across the floor to reach a wooden block or other toy that is close by. he smiles each time with big eyes and i can tell that he is just as proud of himself as i am of him. he is sweet and always smiling. he's a snuggler. he will let anyone hold him and will give you his full attention, examining your face and reaching his hand out gently to feel your features. he adores his brother and sisters and giggles with them often. that is music to my ears let me tell you.

he sleeps with us in our bed at night as all of my babies did. he usually wakes two or three times at night to nurse and then drifts back to sleep. i think i will start giving him a bit of rice cereal before bed each night to help him keep a full tummy so he can sleep through the night. we are not on a strict schedule right now, but he naps twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon for a good long stretch of time. he is a good, good baby and i look at him every single day and just fall more and more in love with him.

a few of his favorite things at the moment… he loves this tiny bunny.  he holds it, chews on it and shines a big smile if you show it to him at any given time. i call it his "magic bunny." he also loves a baby sized maraca that i picked up from a little shop in houston for him. he will shake it for a good half an hour before tiring. he also loves sophie which i think is funny because none of my other babies really cared for her, but he sure does.

music is a big part of our life and there are records playing inside of our four walls most of the time. he loves it when i hold him in my arms and dance with him. if we are listening to an upbeat song like fleetwood mac he will bounce and kick his legs and wave his arms with a giant smile and giggle as we dance and spin around. if it is a slow song like "beautiful boy" by john lennon or a good old sam cooke song he will nuzzle into me and relax as we sway back and forth. he loves it when i sing "this little light" i think he thinks i'm a good singer and i appreciate that very much.

meditation on the fifth month:

baby might already be sitting up for brief periods of time. hold them on your lap and let them see life from this less frustrating perspective. simple objects make the best toys: a scarf to play peek-a-boo, a cold spoon for teething, a wooden block. it is so fascinating to just watch them bliss out on the littlest things. everyone tells you that your little one will be ruined if you don't have them on a schedule. follow your gut and don't worry. everything is still so new to them. the only one who has experienced life with your child is you. not a sleep "expert." your baby is not a textbook example. on that note...